Remembering Your Unique Presence
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I think she might know something I don't. |
Meet Sophie. I met Sophie and her Mom when I was on safari at the mall looking
for the perfect pair of red boots.
It was an absolute joy to listen to Sophie sing the praises of her lovely little red boots in her equally lovely British accent while her mother and I tried on the same boots - hers in black, mine in red.
You know what I love about little girls? They know who they are. I have vivid memories of being Sophie's age and knowing exactly who I was: all the office supplies I spent my allowance on; second grade entrepreneurial ventures; back-yard shows; high-flying tricks that made my mother crazy; the verve. But what I remember most about when I was Sophie's age is that I wanted to be Samantha from Bewitched. She had everything I could see in my future: a great hairdo, magic, a husband named Darrin, and she could fly. Samantha had unique presence. Fast forward and you know what I got: a great hairdo (it's new!). I was once married to a man named Darren who my family called Derwood. Also, I can be a witch from time to time.
Yesterday a coaching client asked me if he had "unique presence"? The answer was a resounding "Yes!" You can imagine the discussion that followed. I can see that he is in that place where he would like to acknowledge his greatness but is still deciding whether or not it's okay to do that. Just so you know - it is.
I found it interesting that in this instance, it was a man asking for permission to acknowledge his greatness. Most of my days are filled with men (mostly lawyers) telling me how great they are. The other days are filled with reminding women that they are valuable, worthy people who deserve to be heard, ask for help, and be paid what they are worth.
Over the years we mentally turn our assets into liabilities based on what other people may have said, or truthfully, how we have interpreted what they have said. Our independence and creativity is called defiance. Our voices are too loud, we're too active or not active enough, too weird, too quiet, too fat, and too stupid or way too intellectual. Not good enough. Not enough of this, not enough of that, not enough.
We've all been there at work or in relationships. I've been in a leadership position where I couldn't do anything right: I was either hoarding information, or over communicating. I was too emotional, but that other guy who flew off the handle was "just French Canadian". When the boys were in their secret meetings, sharing privileged and confidential information with either other, they made sure the others knew I had trust issues.
A lot of us focus on living the way we are "supposed to" but who gets to define that? We listen so others feel heard; perhaps making ourselves invisible, at the least very flexible, so we can navigate "their" world without realizing that it is, in fact, our world too. We spend an awful lot of time powerfully acknowledging greatness in others, without letting a sliver of light to shine on our own.
My coaching client is looking back to when he was small and remembering the gifts he already had that were set aside or forgotten so that he could survive in the world he grew up in.
He has had to make difficult decisions about what he wants his life to look like. He has had to make changes to his career and relationships. Most importantly, he has decided to believe that he does have unique presence because having unique presence is important to him. That is his greatness.
I too have decided to have people around me who believe in me no matter how crazy I am on any given day. I only hang out with people who appreciate my "unique presence". What I have learned from my own champions is that it's okay to acknowledge my own greatness, and sometimes we have to. Read that again. We have to acknowledge our own greatness.
It's always been there. I believe that we remember that we all have unique presence. We remember our greatness within. How you define that presence or greatness is up to you. When we finally know it and own it - then everything changes. Everything!
Wouldn't you know it? To round out the dreams of the little girl who grew up in the 70's with Samantha, my life is filled with magic and I can, indeed, fly!
Will my coaching client fly? Will little Sophie learn to fly? Will she own her own business, write books, have children, and dance in her kitchen? Will she wriggle her nose and pop off to Paris for the afternoon? Who knows. My greatest wish for her - and all the little girls (and boys) in our world - is that she doesn't wait for the plus in the 40+ to remember that she already has what it takes to pull off a fine pair of reds, find her voice again, and embrace her unique presence. I hope she remembers that she has unique presence, that magic is everywhere, and that everything she will ever need is already tucked inside those little red boots.
Find Us At: www.ascendlegalrecruiting.com
Let's Talk: http://www.ascendlegalrecruiting.com/let-s-talk.html
for the perfect pair of red boots.
It was an absolute joy to listen to Sophie sing the praises of her lovely little red boots in her equally lovely British accent while her mother and I tried on the same boots - hers in black, mine in red.
You know what I love about little girls? They know who they are. I have vivid memories of being Sophie's age and knowing exactly who I was: all the office supplies I spent my allowance on; second grade entrepreneurial ventures; back-yard shows; high-flying tricks that made my mother crazy; the verve. But what I remember most about when I was Sophie's age is that I wanted to be Samantha from Bewitched. She had everything I could see in my future: a great hairdo, magic, a husband named Darrin, and she could fly. Samantha had unique presence. Fast forward and you know what I got: a great hairdo (it's new!). I was once married to a man named Darren who my family called Derwood. Also, I can be a witch from time to time.
Yesterday a coaching client asked me if he had "unique presence"? The answer was a resounding "Yes!" You can imagine the discussion that followed. I can see that he is in that place where he would like to acknowledge his greatness but is still deciding whether or not it's okay to do that. Just so you know - it is.
I found it interesting that in this instance, it was a man asking for permission to acknowledge his greatness. Most of my days are filled with men (mostly lawyers) telling me how great they are. The other days are filled with reminding women that they are valuable, worthy people who deserve to be heard, ask for help, and be paid what they are worth.
Over the years we mentally turn our assets into liabilities based on what other people may have said, or truthfully, how we have interpreted what they have said. Our independence and creativity is called defiance. Our voices are too loud, we're too active or not active enough, too weird, too quiet, too fat, and too stupid or way too intellectual. Not good enough. Not enough of this, not enough of that, not enough.
We've all been there at work or in relationships. I've been in a leadership position where I couldn't do anything right: I was either hoarding information, or over communicating. I was too emotional, but that other guy who flew off the handle was "just French Canadian". When the boys were in their secret meetings, sharing privileged and confidential information with either other, they made sure the others knew I had trust issues.
A lot of us focus on living the way we are "supposed to" but who gets to define that? We listen so others feel heard; perhaps making ourselves invisible, at the least very flexible, so we can navigate "their" world without realizing that it is, in fact, our world too. We spend an awful lot of time powerfully acknowledging greatness in others, without letting a sliver of light to shine on our own.
My coaching client is looking back to when he was small and remembering the gifts he already had that were set aside or forgotten so that he could survive in the world he grew up in.
He has had to make difficult decisions about what he wants his life to look like. He has had to make changes to his career and relationships. Most importantly, he has decided to believe that he does have unique presence because having unique presence is important to him. That is his greatness.
I too have decided to have people around me who believe in me no matter how crazy I am on any given day. I only hang out with people who appreciate my "unique presence". What I have learned from my own champions is that it's okay to acknowledge my own greatness, and sometimes we have to. Read that again. We have to acknowledge our own greatness.
It's always been there. I believe that we remember that we all have unique presence. We remember our greatness within. How you define that presence or greatness is up to you. When we finally know it and own it - then everything changes. Everything!
Wouldn't you know it? To round out the dreams of the little girl who grew up in the 70's with Samantha, my life is filled with magic and I can, indeed, fly!
Will my coaching client fly? Will little Sophie learn to fly? Will she own her own business, write books, have children, and dance in her kitchen? Will she wriggle her nose and pop off to Paris for the afternoon? Who knows. My greatest wish for her - and all the little girls (and boys) in our world - is that she doesn't wait for the plus in the 40+ to remember that she already has what it takes to pull off a fine pair of reds, find her voice again, and embrace her unique presence. I hope she remembers that she has unique presence, that magic is everywhere, and that everything she will ever need is already tucked inside those little red boots.
Find Us At: www.ascendlegalrecruiting.com
Let's Talk: http://www.ascendlegalrecruiting.com/let-s-talk.html
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